I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
