the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
