I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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