she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
