If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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