i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize