I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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