i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
