i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
