TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
