sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
