Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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