Three words: puerto rican gang bang
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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