Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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