You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
