My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I wear drunk well.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
