I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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