And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
