I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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