But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
