Me. At least after what I've been through.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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