I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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