We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
