3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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