Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
