So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
