I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ketchup is God's man juice
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
