I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
