I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
