i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
