Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
