you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
