I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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