if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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