Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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