You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
