how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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