I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
