there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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