how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you win again, gameday.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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