That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
