So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
