Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's never too late to be topless.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I need a beard to bite.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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