My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
