Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
