38 yer olds are good kisserssss
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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