I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
