I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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