doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
