this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
