I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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