so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
